


there's a hole in my soul, can you fill it?

by kiraswolf



Category: Teen Titans (Comics)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I really need to learn how to tag, M/M, and not really taking care of himself, but this is about Tim being in one of his really depressive states, so Kon's there for him and is there to take care of him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-09-12 15:40:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9079087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiraswolf/pseuds/kiraswolf
Summary: Kon would swallow kryptonite every single day if it meant Tim could be happy.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i hope this isn't bad and I'm sorry that the title is long??

"Tim?" Kon called out as he poked his head into the room.

Tim didn't answer back but Kon could see him laying on the bed, covered with a blanket, staring at the wall.

He walked around the bed and kneeled down in front of Tim.

"Hey Timmers." Kon smiled at him.

"Hi." Tim tried to smile back, "You know only Dick calls me that."

"Everyone should call you that, it's a good nickname."

"No it's not, stop."

Kon laughed softly.

"How did you—"

"Alfred called me." Kon said. "He said he made you your favorite food and even that didn't make you want to get out of bed, so then he brought it up here for you and you still didn't eat it."

"I'm not hungry." Tim whispered.

"How long have you not been hungry?"

"I don't know. Maybe four days, five."

Kon took a deep breath. Seeing Tim like this always made his chest ache. He would give anything and everything to see him happy.

Kon reached out and stroked a side of Tim's face with his thumb.

"Can I lay with you?" Kon asked.

"Please." Tim replied.

Kon stood up, kicked off his shoes and took off his jeans. Tim made space for him on the bed and Kon slipped under the blanket with him.

"Bruce isn't here, is he?"

It wasn't a question he should be asking right now, but he had to know.

Tim swallowed thickly, "No. He's been really busy at Wayne Enterprises, especially since I've been out the last few days."

"And Dick?"

"I think he took Damian to the arcade or something."

Kon's jaw clenched and if it clenched anymore, he'd surely break his own teeth. How could Bruce and Dick leave Tim alone when he was feeling like this? When he was so deep into his own despair that he couldn't leave his bed? How _dare_ they?

"Kon?" Tim rubbed his side, getting his attention, "You look like you want to punch something."

_Someone actually._

He changed the subject instead, "I brought you some pie. Ma made it just for you."

Tim smiled, his eyes shined with tears ready to spill, "Tell her I said thank you."

"I know Ma makes good pie but I'm not sure if it's good enough to cry over." Kon joked.

Tim let out a sound that was between a laugh and a sob and closed his eyes.

Kon brushed the hair on Tim's forehead to the side and kissed his eyelids gently. That's when Tim began to cry.

"I'm sorry." Tim whispered, "I'm so sorry."

He leaned closer into Kon and buried his face in his chest as Kon wrapped his arms around him.

"It's okay, Tim. Okay? You don't have anything to be sorry for." Kon murmured. "Tell me how you feel."

"I feel like there's a hole in my chest and it won't go away. It doesn't matter what I try to do because it feels like it'll always be there and it hurts, Kon. I just want it to stop, but it won't." Tim said through his tears. "I want to wake up in the morning and not feel sad and feel like I'm actually good enough, but I never am. I don't know if I ever will be."

Kon rubbed Tim's back and listened to him get everything he knew Tim had kept bottled in for days, off his chest. It hurt knowing Tim felt this way, knowing that there wasn't much he could do, but damn him if he wouldn't try. Kon would swallow kryptonite every single day, if it meant Tim could be happy.

"I don't think I even deserve to be l—" Tim choked up and couldn't finish his sentence.

"I love you." Kon whispered into Tim's hair. "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you."

He repeated those three words like a mantra, like a prayer, like something that would take Tim's pain away. Because as long as Kon was alive, he would make sure that Tim knew he was loved and that he deserved that love.

"I love you." Kon repeated.

Tim didn't say anything but Kon knew that Tim was engraving this memory and those words into his mind, just in case it was the last time that they would leave Kon's lips. It wouldn't be, but Kon understood his need to because he knew about Tim's fears.

"Tim." Kon slid down the bed so that he could be face to face with him and cupped his face. "I love you. You are so amazing and you're the person that I love the most on this entire planet. You deserve so much more than what this world has given you. You deserve everything good that exists on this world and if I could give those things to you than I would."

Kon wiped the tears on Tim's face off with his thumbs and kissed his forehead. Tim smiled, it was small, barely even there, but it was there and that's what mattered.

"You matter, okay? You matter to me and you are good enough—more than good enough," Kon winced. "I really hope that makes sense."

Tim put his hand over Kon's and squeezed it, "I love you too."

Kon leaned in to give Tim a kiss, but Tim turned away and he ended up kissing his jawline instead.

"Sorry." Kon said quickly. He stopped cupping Tim's face and started panicking because of course he had to end up ruining such a tender moment. _Of course._ "I'm sorry I didn't—"

"It's not your fault, I just—" Tim paused for a moment and grit out his next words, "I haven't brushed my teeth in days."

"Tim, it's okay. I don't care."

"But I do." Tim said. "I don't even know how you could can still lay here with me when I haven't brushed my teeth, changed my clothes or even showered in days. It's gross. I feel so gross, but I just can't find the energy to do anything—I hate myself."

Tim turned to lay on his back and rubbed at his eyes.

"What if I help you take a shower and then we go downstairs and eat whatever Alfred made? Or if you don't want to leave your room, I'll bring you the food. You have to eat something."

"You don't have to do that, Kon."

"I want to. Please let me take care of you."

Tim nodded, so Kon led him to the bathroom after grabbing some of his clean clothes. He turned on the water, helped Tim strip down, and then stripped himself down while they waited for it to warm up.

When the water was warm enough, Kon guided Tim into the shower and started by washing Tim's body, careful not to touch any fresh wounds. Tim didn't say anything, he just stood there and stared at the wall. Kon didn't say anything until he looked at Tim's face and felt like Tim wasn't really there.

"Hey, Tim." Kon said as he rubbed soothing circles on Tim's ribs.

Tim blinked, "Yeah?"

"Nothing. I just wanted to tell you that your hair isn't that greasy." Kon let out a shaky laugh. "Greasy was my shirt after Clark made me fix his stupid tractor the other day. He owes me a new flannel."

Tim laughed, he actually laughed, and Kon felt like he hadn't heard that laugh in years, it made his heart feel like it would burst.

"Calm down, farm boy."

"What a city boy thing to say."

Tim playfully punched him on the arm and Kon had the decency to pretend it hurt.

Tim leaned in to Kon so that Kon could hold him, and that's what he did. They stood like that for a while, swaying from side to side, with the water running down Tim's back. He was leaning on Kon's chest with his eyes closed and Kon felt bad for having to ruin the moment.

"Tim?"

"Hm?"

"You know I still have to wash your hair, right?"

"I know." Tim opened his eyes and looked up at him. "I just really like this."

Kon smiled, "We can do it again another day, I promise."

Tim nodded, "Okay."

Kon put some space between them so that he could extend his arms and wash Tim's hair. After he was done, Kon put his clothes back on (pants included) and helped Tim get on a clean t-shirt and some sweats before he brushed his teeth.

"Do you want me to bring the food up here or do you want to go downstairs?" Kon asked as he handed Tim a pair of socks.

"I know you want me to say downstairs so that I finally get out of my room."

"Only if you want to." Kon grinned, "But I'll give you a piggyback ride if you do."

Tim stood up, "Deal."

Tim jumped on his back and Kon got a hold of his legs as he walked out of the room and into the hallway.

"Thank you for choosing Kent airlines—"

"Kon—"

"Please keep—"

"Conner—"

"Your hands—"

"You can't fly in here." Tim said quickly.

"But Bruce isn't here. There's no one here to scream at me." Kon stated.

"What if you break something?" Tim asked.

Kon craned his neck as much as he could to glance at Tim, "Like what?"

"I don't know, like the chandelier or the actual ceiling."

"But I'm like a super experienced flyer, I know what I'm doing." Kon replied as they neared the staircase.

"The last time you said that you left a hole in your barn's roof and almost got yelled at." Tim recalled.

"I did get yelled at." Kon mumbled. "Mostly for scaring the chickens."

Tim laughed, "See what I mean."

Kon smiled to himself as he carried Tim down the stairs. He had managed to make him laugh twice tonight. That was something.

Alfred was in the kitchen when they entered, stirring a pot of what looked like soup.

Tim jumped off Kon's back and Alfred turned at the noise.

"Evening, Alfred."

"Master Timothy." Alfred smiled, "It's great to finally see you out of your room, sir."

"Thanks, Alfred."

"Would you like to eat dinner?"

"Yes, please."

Alfred nodded and started to move around to grab some plates as Kon and Tim sat down.

"You as well, Master Conner?"

"Always." Kon grinned.

Alfred filled the bowls up with soup and set them down on the table.

"May I remind you, Master Timothy," he said as he gave them each a spoon, "that you have not taken your medication yet today and should do so after you finish your dinner."

Kon saw Tim tense up.

Alfred gave Kon a look and then excused himself before leaving the kitchen.

"Have you been taking it?" Kon asked.

Tim was staring down at his soup, "Taking what?"

They both knew that he knew what they were talking about.

"Your medicine."

"Uh—no." Tim muttered. "I didn't think anyone noticed."

"Well Alfred did." Kon pointed out.

"He's the only one who ever does in this house."

Kon didn't say anything. He was afraid that Tim would shut down if he said the wrong thing. He knew he was probably thinking about Bruce (and maybe even Dick).

"Come on, eat." Kon said after a minute of silence.

They ate in silence too, the only noise being the clink they created as their spoons touched their plates.

Tim didn't finish the whole plate and although Kon insisted he was almost done, Tim refused to eat the rest so Kon did it for him instead.

"The soup was great, Alfred. Almost as good as Ma's." Kon stated as Alfred entered the room again.

Sometimes Kon thought that Alfred had a special superpower that told him the right time to walk into a room.

Tim glanced at him, "Are you trying to pick a fight with Alfred?"

"Dude _no._ " Kon said, "I think Alfred can kick my ass."

Tim laughed (they had had this conversation before) and Alfred did too.

"I would never, sir." Alfred replied before Tim and Kon thanked him for dinner and started to leave the room.

Tim poked his head back into the kitchen once he decided that Kon was a considerable distance away.

"Hey, Alfred?"

"Sir?"

"Thanks for calling Conner."

"Of course."

They smiled at each other for a second and then Tim caught up with Kon.

When they got back to Tim's room, Tim sat down on the bed and Kon closed the door.

"How does a nap sound?" Kon asked.

"I don't want to sleep."

Tim had really dark circles under his eyes and his face just looked so tired. Maybe he didn't want to sleep but definitely needed to.

"Not even if we cuddle?" Kon exclaimed.

"Just lay with me?"

"Alright." Kon said as he sat down next to Tim, "But first—"

"My medicine. I know."

Tim reached for one bottle of pills first and then the other and swallowed them down with a bottle of water.

"There."

Kon laid down and scoot over to make room for Tim. Tim followed suit.

"I thought we were going to spoon." Kon whispered as Tim's nose touched his.

"We are. I just wanted to say thank you properly." Tim whispered back and then leaned in to give Kon a kiss.

When he pulled back, Kon was grinning at him. "Your breath smells like broccoli."

Tim chuckled, "So does yours."

Kon pecked him on the lips before Tim turned his back on him so they could spoon.

"I love you." Kon said into Tim's hair.

"I know." Tim replied.

It wasn't a vain 'I know' and it wasn't Tim trying to be funny. It was just a simple 'I know.' Kon kissed the back of Tim's neck and smiled because all he wanted was for Tim to know he was loved and supported.

"Good." 

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you guys liked it. this was kind of personal considering I struggle with depression myself so it was kind of me venting idk. I just know that Kon would 100% be there for Tim when Tim needs someone and he would make sure that Tim knows that he is loved and doesn't have to go through things alone!
> 
> also as you may have noticed....I'm terrible at transitioning between like scenes?? so I am so sorry about that


End file.
